|
(Who needs Dear Abbey when you have a homicidal Half-Fiend?) |
 |
LETHAL NEWS Issue #1 - July 2005
|
(Who needs Dear Abbey when you have a homicidal Half-Fiend?) |
|
Dear
Slaughter:
My girlfriend has recently whipped out with the dreaded line "I
think we should see other people." It's not like I had wedding
rings picked out or anything, but I was feeling pretty serious
towards her. What should I do?
-Depressed in Detroit
Dear
Depressed:
Okay, so the other people thing goes both ways, right? Best way
for you to show this bitch you are serious about her is to get
over her too quickly, and get some revenge in too. So, I suggest
you seek out one of her friends, the sluttiest skank in her entire
crew (trust me, all chicks have one of those in their circle of
friends), and start "wooing" her. Then throw a big party
at your house and invite both of them, even encourage your girl
to bring a date along. Then, midway through the party, take the
ho friend somewhere and fuck her. Accidentally cum on her clothes
some how then give her something that belongs to your girlfriend
to wear. When the two of you arrive back at the party, obviously
sexed up and her wearing your girlfriends threads, it is guaranteed
to piss her off righteously and show her just how down with the
"other people" concept you are. Plus, skanks are usually
great lays, so you get some mad monkey sex as part of the deal.
-Sincerely, Slaughter
Dear
Slaughter:
My man is cheating on me. This is not the first time, but I do
love him. What should I do?
-Liz in Lynchburg
Dear
Liz:
Fuck three or four of his friends, together or separately. Not
only is it great revenge, but if he thinks you are a freaky whore
he will probably want to get in your pants more than ever.
-S
Dear
Slaughter:
Lately, my woman and me have become bored with each other in the
bedroom. Any suggestions?
-Missionary in Miami
Dear
Missionary:
First off, stop fucking in the bedroom. Do it on the floor, in
the kitchen, on the beach, in a rest stop bathroom…Location,
location, location! Also, the two of you need to tell each other
what you want. If she wants to dress like Nazi and smack your
balls, encourage her! If you want her to dress like a nun and
call you Jesus while you fuck her up the ass, tell her! Also,
buy some porn…lots and lots of porn.
-Best of Luck, S
Dear
Slaughter:
My girlfriend is a complete bitch, but she is incredibly hot and
great in the sack. She is driving me nuts and I can't stand her
stuck up attitude and drama. What should I do?
-Pissed in Pittsburgh
Dear
Pissed:
Dump the bitch, but before you do, if the sex really is that good,
get her in bed one last time and fuck her like a two dollar whore…tie
her up, rip off her clothes, call her a slut, cum on her face,
the whole nine yards, then ask her how pretty she feels now (if
she digs it, send me her phone number…) There is something
to be said for the grudge fuck, it is time you learned its power.
-S
Dear
Slaughter:
My man is a pussy. Every time with him is more of the same boring
shit. How do I spice things up?
-Horny in Houston
Dear
Horny:
I am available for private consultations, if you are interested…
In the mean time, try tricking him into the games you want to
play…you know, the romantic dinner thing, served in a provocative
outfit and all that shit…oh yeah, and stop wearing underwear.
I do not know the man who can resist his animal urges when he
sees his woman flashing tit and cunt out in public, even subtly…
Did I mention I was available for private consultations?
-Slaughter
 |
And in the News! |
 |
Love Advice from Slaughter |
 |
Horoscopes from Ground Zero |
 |
Random Poetry by Excavia |
 |
Nemesis's
Financial Advice (At this time, Nemesis has nothing to share with you. Until his lawyers approve all contracts, this column is on hold.) |
 |
Ona has nothing to contribute at this time, she is a little tied up (and gagged) at the moment…. |
